guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize