She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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