my vag is so smooth its legendary
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
