Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
