I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
