So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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