Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I want a musical about memes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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