i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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