THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
