wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
