I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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