I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
