hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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