Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
