Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
