NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
