Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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