I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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