I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
