i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
