WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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