i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
zippers are such a cool invention
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize