he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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