You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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