He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
