I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
