i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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