I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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