He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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