Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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