if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
