I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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