She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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