im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
3 2 1 whiskey
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His nipple licking is glorious
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