Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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