I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nobody cheats on THIS.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
