You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
