dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
