it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
