I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
