it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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