you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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