the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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