Screwed.edu
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
