We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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