WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
