so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
