how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
