I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
A bitchslap is in order.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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