did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
