fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
