I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
