before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
