youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
