she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After tacos, we're chasing women.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
