Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
