Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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