My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
