Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
