I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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