Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
