Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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