After last night, I could never be a politician.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
