Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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