Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
