i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You can't special order awesome
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
