You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I smell like Dick and happiness
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
