Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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