Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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