we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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