Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
