youre lurking in front of me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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