she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
