I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
