i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
