have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
