There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
