Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
