nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
