Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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